Respect, Trust, and Love: An Open Letter to my Wife
(August 25, 2010)
Kathy,
I am writing this because it is something I feel I need to say to you. But it is difficult to find the words to convey what I feel. I know these thoughts ramble around as I try to find the language needed to show you how deeply I love and cherish you.
Recently I read that the key attributes to a deep lasting relationship are respect, trust, and love. The basic concept being that true love can not exist without trust, and trust can not exist without respect. Or put another way, first you must respect someone before you are willing to trust them, and you truly trust someone, to allow them access to you heart, before you can fall in love with them. But what does it mean to respect, trust and love.
Respect
Respect - esteem for or a sense of the worth or excellence of a person, a personal quality or ability, or something considered as a manifestation of a personal quality or ability: I have great respect for her judgment. ( respect. Dictionary.com. Dictionary.com Unabridged. Random House, Inc. http://dictionary.reference.com/browse/respect (accessed: August 25, 2010).
When talking about respect, I do not mean respect in terms of ethics, knowledge, intelligence, emotions, professionalism, ability, etc. The is respect of a someone as a whole person, not just some aspects. To see the person as having value in all the things they say or do or think. Respect also means not belittling, dismissing, or discounting, but instead offering support, understanding, and consideration. Respect does not mean that you have to agree to everything the other says or does, but it does mean that you give consideration and understanding even when you do not agree.
Kathy, I do respect you and value all that you say and do. I never want to belittle, discount, or dismiss you or anything about you. Never have I respected someone completely as I respect you.
Trust
Trust - to place confidence in (someone to do something); have faith (in); rely (upon): I trust him to tell her (Trust. Dictionary.com. Collins English Dictionary - Complete & Unabridged 10th Edition. HarperCollins Publishers. http://dictionary.reference.com/browse/Trust (accessed: August 25, 2010). )
To truly trust someone is difficult, because it requires opening oneself to the possibility of being hurt in deep and profound ways. Our inner self is delicate and easily damaged. As we grow, we build defenses around this part of ourselves to hide it away from the world and to keep others from wounding our core. Because to be hurt hear, affects all that we are, all that we believe, say and do. To allow another access to our inner self requires respect that the other will to do no harm, but to understand and cherish the value of such openness.
It seems to me that people rarely develop trust in another. Sometimes, they have been hurt in the past, and are never able to allow open trust in another for fear of being hurt again. Others, seem to expose just a little piece of themselves, with the expectation that they will be hurt and can therefore limit the damage.
To truly be open and trusting of another is a wonderful thing, because only then can we share ourselves with another. It brings understanding and support that we are not alone. But, it is a 2-way street to share ourselves, we gain nothing if the other person we have opened up to does not also share of themselves. To me, this seems to be the basis of true friendship.
My mate, I do not understand how I opened myself to you. Consciously,I never made the decision to let you in past the barriers. Instead, I came to realize that you were there. I know we both were surprised and scared to realize how quickly and deeply we let each other in. I feel that we built something special by trusting one another as we do. We became more than friends, we became soul-mates. We share so much of each other that we are now an integral part of each other.
And because of this we could allow love to grow. I would never have been able to love you, as I do if I did not respect and trust you so deeply.
Love
Love - a profoundly tender, passionate affection for another person. (Love. Dictionary.com. Dictionary.com Unabridged. Random House, Inc. http://dictionary.reference.com/browse/Love (accessed: August 25, 2010).)
I am sorry to say that I never finished the last section about love.
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